sometimes you have a nap, feel guilty about it and put it into poetic words to make your time in the day count

Sometimes

I have to start my day

All over again

At 3 p.m.

Because the urge to disappear

For a little while

Overwhelms my wakeful eyes

And the next thing I know

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Queer belonging

I do not wish my life to be linear.

I want it to be a wrinkle in time,

Passing one at the time,

Collage of fleeting moments

Recorded, preserved

And cruised by others

In search of collective memory.

A flaneur,

The bohemians…

Will become my true friends,

And we will paint our queer belonging

In the future

We do not yet have,

But subconsciously own

And can call home.

*

The impact of beautiful works in queer theory I am currently reading ~

Ghost

I’m tired of a constant, unfeasible desire,

Of being ghost of my own imagination,

Of magnetic attraction

To the warmth of your skin

That belongs to someone else.

My passion is unfathomable,

Hidden, prisoned, abandoned –

I forgot it exists

Until your gaze awakened it

In all its being.

I pray to all gods

To leave my heart alone

But they chose to tear it apart

With the fire

That instead of extinguishing

I ignited.

I’m tired of

Someone’s love

Being ghost

Of my own infatuation.

Writing is my ‘secondary’ nature, I suppose.

I am, in so-called-real-life, a Part 1 Architecture graduate, and now published my entire university portfolio HERE!

If you’re curious about what’s going on in the head of a very conceptual architecture student, feel free to check my website.:-)

Custom domain is not in place yet because of many other ideas I have for the website, in other words, it’s work in progress, but I have archived all the work from the last three years of architectural education.

so yeah

too-da-loo!!

Eglé ~

on reading

I have started reading when I was 5. I remember my mum taking me to the library for the very first time and for me it was an ultimate wonderland. The first book I remember laying my hands on was ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’ and it was in English. Now, at that time the only language I knew was Lithuanian, so the librarian kindly pointed that out to me.

I’ve been a regular visitor of the library. It was my favourite place in town. We’ve moved a lot and in every place, I found a nearby library no matter where we went. I wanted to be a librarian at one point. There was something about being surrounded by books all day long that fascinated me.

Reading is one of those things I stuck to throughout my entire life. I loved reading then, I love reading now. There is something about waking up in your bedroom, picking up a book and suddenly being somewhere far away with the travellers or adventurers and then picking up another book and having a conversation with a philosopher or a scientist about what the future holds. You go to numerous places, you meet numerous people who may even become your close friends and most importantly you learn.

I remember how me and my best friend used to make a trip to a local library every now and then; we would pick our books, go back to her place, make ourselves some tea, sit on a sofa and read for hours. Two of us were in different places with different characters despite being right next to each other. Then we would compete who could read more pages…

Reading is crucial to our intellectual well-being. Whether we read novels, or encyclopaedias, we learn how to speak eloquently and how to think creatively. Reading was crucial for my mental well-being; it kept me sane at the moments when I thought I’d lose it. Reading is not something to be taken for granted; words are the most valuable things we as humans can share.

ežeras

Bėgioju maždaug kas antrą rytą. Atsikėlus anksti keikiu save dėl tokio savęs ‚kankinimo‘, bet išėjusi į gryną orą jaučiuosi dėkinga. Prieš šešias vasaras, kai gyvenau Tauro Rago miestelyje (Tauragėje), bandžiau pabėgioti kelis kartus kai Lietuvą užplūdo karščio banga. Netoli tetos namų, kuriuose tada svečiavausi, buvo nedidelis ežeras, visų ‚zumpe‘ pramintas. Ten nusigauti reikėjo kopti į smėlio kalną, ant kurio buvo traukinių bėgiai, už kurių reikėjo labai atsargiai nubėgti žemyn gan pavojingu skardžiu. Smagiausia ten būdavo eiti su visa šeimyna dėl papildomo saugos jausmo. Mano didžiausia baimė buvo bėgiai ir pražūtingi traukiniai, kurių, žinoma vengdavome. Tą karštą vasarą, nusprendžiau bėgti iki pat vadinamosios ‚zumpės‘. Buvo rytas, gal dešimta valanda, ir temperatūra jau siekė 25C+. Nuo karščio oras virš traukinio bėgių akyse raibuliavo. Perėjus bėgių ir skardžio kliūtį, pradėjau nuodugniai bėgti su muzika ausyse (tikriausiai klausiausi kokio Deadmau5). Nuo karščio širdis piestu stojosi. Vienintelė mintis, kuri palaikė mano greitį bent kas dvi minutes buvo – ‚tik pasiek ežerą.‘ Lyg ten būtų buvęs koks amžino gyvenimo eleksyras. Nu ir pasiekiau ežerą, kuris dienos metu buvo labai drumzlinas nuo suniokoto dugno smėlio, bet ryte, be jokių plaukikų, vanduo buvo skaidrus it koks nušveistas permatomas deimantas. Dienos metu jis jau buvo nemaloniai įšilęs, o ryte toks gaivus ir šaltas – absoliuti dievo dovana karštą vasaros dieną po mirtingo pabėgiojimo. Dabar tas ežeras yra 2,400 kilometrų toliau nuo manęs. Nepaisant to, bėgiojant rytais miestelyje be ežero, kad iškęsčiau bent penkias minutes be sustojimo kartoju sau – ‚tik pasiek ežerą‘.

also found here

storms.

I look at the pictures, the snapshots of the past, yet I sense the freshness of the air, I smell the upcoming storm – the aroma of the rain that’s about to flood the streets. I remember the smell from when we used to go to swim in the river and my mother would urge us to go back home before the storm would start.

‘Nebus to lietaus, vėjas išvaikys visus debesis ir vėl saulė švies‘ I‘d say. But my mum insisted and every time she did, the storm would start as soon as we‘d come back home.

‘Sakiau, bet nesiklausei!’ She’d say triumphantly.

To get back home we’d have to cross the bridge, which sloped over the river. Going down to our ‘beach’ was easy – the bridge sloped down. Getting back up, however, was always hard work, especially after hours of swimming against the current of the river. I’d come back home absolutely knackered and would always take a nap on our sofa in the living room, which was also our bedroom (as the flat only had one room). My mum would make lunch; the wonderful smells would fill up the flat and wake me up.

Oh how much I miss the view from our little flat. My school was almost beneath the windows, just across the road (which was full of rather dangerous holes). I remember one night I woke up from strange bright lights and when I woke up I saw my mum standing by the window, watching a storm approaching. I joined her and watched lightning getting brighter with every flash as it moved closer towards us. Then there was thunder…followed by heavy rain.

When I was little I feared thunderstorms. I remember hiding under the blankets as my mum would lean against the window as if trying to get immersed into what seemed like hell to me. She’d smile at me, saying ‘Nėra ko bijoti.‘ I obviously thought otherwise.

As I grew up, I became fascinated by thunderstorms. I loved the comfort they brought, the serenity. Me and my best friend would almost pray for them to come every time we watched a horror film – it gave an appropriate atmosphere I guess. We always watched scary films in her parents’ bedroom. I still remember the warmth of their bed, the sky blue colour of the wallpaper on the walls… Sometimes, when the sun would shine through the window, we would both lay on bed, dreaming of our summers together.

Little did we know they would soon come to an end.