Homesick (again)

Those who live at home

Who are able to work at home

Who are able to love

To laugh

To speak

At home

Are the lucky ones.

By home I don’t mean the four walls

With family pictures on them.

By home I mean homeland

With its vast green fields

With the language your heart beats to

With the roads you’d walk

With your eyes closed.

Homeland is like this fine lover

That knows your notes

And how to play them

When you’re far away.

 

But God knows

My heart is weeping

Because

I was torn away

From where I belong.

 

I had a glass of wine

And I was tempted to reach for another.

Never have I done this;

I don’t know what it is

I want to drown in the

Sorrowful river.

I lied to myself

As I lied to you

Saying you’re my friend

A mate for my soul

A companion till the end.

After those horrific words

That escaped your metallic mouth

With no emotion in your face

There is one thing,

And one thing only

That I think of you:

You repel me.

You repel me

Your appearance repels me

Your voice repels me

Your way of speaking;

That pretentious wording

As if I am a fool

Who doesn’t know a thing –

Oh how much it repels me.

The truth is; you are foolish.

You are a conformist.

You are nothing but

A hateful sheep

That pretends to be

An intelligent wolf

With that way of attacking.

That repels me more than

Anything ever has.

You used me, and that repels me.

Your letters

That were once on my walls

Are long lost;

Their words repelled me.

Those dishonest words

You wrote with gritted teeth.

Your name repels me.

Your name is that of an angel

But it means a devil to me

And that repels me.